Monsters and Melatonin the sequel

OK we last left off with an appointment with the Doc, well she asked me  questions about am I living a sedimentary life style and I said so I go to the gym four days a week and on that note Ive not lost a pound, then she asked if maybe I had sleep apnea and I said no. so she set me up with a sleep study...or so I thought. so I'm out of nuvigil and the insurance wont cover any more until I have a diagnosis so they gave  me some samples.hallelujah ...a week goes by no word from the sleep study place then another week then another week IM DYING HERE and now I'm out of Nuvigil again so I call the docs office. they never called in for the sleep study OMG!!!! They will try to get me more samples. Then finally a month later I get the sleep study but still no samples. The sleep study was on a Saturday I have a night study and a day study. they hook me up like frankensleepystein and I go right to sleep. the next morning the tec says well you don't have Apnea ... I was like your kidding me ?? I already knew that so what do I have?  and he says restless leg syndrome ..well Ive seen the commercial and the women complains of tingles and a need to move and stuff I dont have that this guy is stupid....so I look at him and said I don't have any symptoms of that and he just kinda grinned at me.. he said the average person moves their legs about 25 times a night and it does not wake them you move yours over 600 and of those 600 you wake up 300 times a night not a conscious wake but enough to make you wake up unrested. Im thinking If I have these mad midnight ninja skills how come my husband has not noticed ? But okay lets roll with it soooo TADAAA  light at the end of the tunnel..... or do we?  so moving on to Wednesday I have the sleep study in my hand and a copy has been sent to My Drs office. I called my Dr and leave a message to come in. This goes on for about 3 weeks no one calls me back. I'm leaving nasty messages as this point!  Ive  gone back to drinking monsters and sleeping at work because they never did get me any Nuvigil, stopped going to the gym because I just cant get out of bed  and diagnosed myself and decided what drugs I need. Also on the diagnosis it says I have Hypersonmia which is a form of narcolepsy which I thought I had all along. I even faxed over the sleep study to my old Dr who I still see when my new Dr cannot get me in for a same day appointment. And her secretary calls me and says I'm due for my   PAP..are you kidding me I'm dying here and you want to look at my Vagina????  UGGG so out of desperation I go see my husbands Dr and he says Um I don't even know what hypersomnia is lets get you an appointment with the guy who reviewed the sleep study results and came up with this diagnosis...and go see this Dr I like that specializes in wierd stuff he knows medications !   okay ..so I go see that guy and he spends like 25 minutes going over a do you have this check list and gives me a gamut of meds to try... the one I was super excited about was Provigil kinda like Nuvigil ! So I get that filled the next day and I'm still tired what is going on?? UG so I go see the sleep Dr guy  and his nurse chick right after I get in gets a measuring tape and measures my neck ???? I'm like WTF but I was nice and said I don't mean to be rude but why are you measuring my neck ( hoping I get like a complimentary bow tie if Im good ) and she says the size of your neck can effect your sleep apnea. I said I don't have sleep apnea! so glad she is not the Dr. GEEEZEEE..... so the Dr comes in and does not say much and does not ask much. just send me on my way with a prescription. I get it filled thinking its going to make every thing alright again and I take it and I vomit I try to take it again and I vomit the next night yea you guessed in I vomit. Oh and did I mention I'm puking up the provigil that costs me $100 a month yea no joke $100 a month. ....well this is not working. I look up the pukey pill  on line and the side effects are so scary I'm glad I puked the things up. So I don't see him any more. but I'm still seeing the medication guy Ive seen him three times and we are still trying to find the magic pills that make me not tired. I have a RX for Nuvigil so I'm going back to that if my insurance will cover it. He also have me something for the RLS that my husband says is working. Apparently Im not kicking him with said  mad midnight ninja skills anymore.  My hope was that I would take care of the RLS and wake up refreshed because I had a good night sleep well that is just not happening. Oh and I'm a fat cow because Ive stopped going to the gym like 5 months ago...I'm going Monday for the first time even if I have to use the stationary bike instead of the tread mill. I might fall asleep and skid my face on the treadmill, I don't have to far to fall if I'm on the bike.  and My friend is driving us there and then to work. So feel free to be on the roads.
Well that's it for now. Ill follow up with any new info.

TTFN

The Good Wife.

I was given an article that I'm sure is a fake but it got me thinking. My parents were raised by stay at home mothers in the the 50's, those stay at home moms raised some hippy free love adults. Then those drug induced hippys had kids  and were un sure about what the wife should be doing. Work out side the home or be a stay at home wife and mother.  And  that is where my story begins.

Here is the article from 1955     The good wife's guide
These are the "roles" of the wife.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-tBU8yD_nGs

• Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have be thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they get home and the prospect of a good meal is part of the warm welcome needed.
• Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.
• Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.
• Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Run a dust cloth over the tables.
• During the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering to his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
• Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Encourage the children to be quiet.
• Be happy to see him.
• Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.
• Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
• Don't greet him with complaints and problems.
• Don't complain if he's late for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through at work.
• Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or lie him down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.
• Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.
• Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.
• A good wife always knows her place.

 Ok then.... now lets move on to the kids the Hippy's raised.
Here is the role of the 2012 MOM. Well at least Rock Star MOM's

Rock star Moms good wife guide.

Dinner ...well Dinner is at 7:00 and usually my husband prepared it. No one wants to eat what I cook. AKA  boiled gray chicken. or we eat frozen pizza and god help us if my husband is not home cause we eat outta the cereal box.

Prepare yourself..... look refreshed really ? Ive been gone since six this morning and went to the gym and to work. poor guy gets smudged eye make up and by that time I get home after an hour drive  Ive taken off my jewelry and probably some of my clothes on the drive home.

Be a little  gay and interesting.... when I Get home on the days I don't have to beep the horn from the drive way  to get a kid to some kind of practice all I want is a glass of wine! so IF he wants to be entertained he is gonna need to turn on the TV.

Clear away the clutter... I'm lucky if I can get in the door there are so many shoes in the door way!  who will clean away the clutter for me?

gather up school books toys and dust...... I wish!   When I get home the kids have flung their backpacks right along with the shoes. and I only get to dust on SSaturdays.

light a fire and cater to his comfort...... catering to his comfort giving me immense personal satisfaction well that is a two way street.  He makes sure my needs are met or he gets a whiny fussy wife.

Prepare the children .... for what ? There is no point in him being in denial about the behavior of his children ! please !

Be happy to see him..... Ok I am kinda all over this one.

Greet him with a warm smile and desire to please him.........Well after the kids maul me at the door "which I love" I go get my kiss from my man so the greeting is mutual .


listen to him remember his topics of conversation are more important that your...... WOW!!! harsh.  My husband knows all the gossip that goes on in my office and in the lives of my girls. He listens to me talk about facebook and my blog and my words with Friends and he respects my thoughts and input and the way the house is ran and the children are raised and if he doesn't well sometime ladies you just have to talk louder maybe he has a listening impediment. But on the other hand I listen to sports talk and learn how to smile and nod. I rock this wife thing!

Make the evening his.....Never complain if he comes home late ....  complain please Im saying my piece and if you call it nagging I will punch you in your eye! and just get louder. again with the hearing impediment.
Allow him to relax. Relax time is 9:00 P.M,  that is when mommy time ends. The kids are in bed but your gonna have to offer something pretty good to keep me from going to bed.


Your goal is to make home peaceful and tranquil....... That is only gonna happen if I get to sedate the kids. And he already said I couldn't.


Don't greet him with complaints ......too late the kids already got me on that one. If I'm the first one home I'm half way through a glass of wine and I'm " all is good" and he walks in and the kids are yelling the house is filled with smoke cause I forgot about dinner and the dogs are dry humping each other in the entry way,


Don't complain if he comes home late or even stays out all night...... Let my husband stay out all night and he will find his stuff in the front yard and barbed wire over the doors maybe even a moat filled with hungry vampire alligators around the house.

Make him comfortable...... He must be pretty comfy cause he is sleepin' in the recliner at 7:30 holding the remote and one hand and ....well we all know where the the other hand is.


Arrange his pillows and take off his shoes and speak in a low soothing voice. .... I know some of you have not met me but quiet and pleasant is not what I do best. He is lucky he has a pillow by the time he gets to bed cause I stole it.

Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgement..... yea right  I have every right to question every thing he does and question his judgement.  We make decisions together and If he is wrong well it is my responsibility to tell him. Or he can talk to the hungry vampire alligators.

A good wife always knows her place.... This still stands true. Ladies respect your husbands and remember they are simple...... keep their balls empty and their bellies full.

TTFN

Monsters and Melatonin

well Ive been drinking Monsters for over a year trying to keep me awake during the day ..And I wonder why I have chest pains but any whooo. The day time sleeping is getting way worse,  I fall asleep driving so I'm getting really accustomed to the rumble strips,  thank god for them ! Then there is the sleeping at the traffics lights and getting honked at but,  its at work that is the problem.  I fall asleep with no warning all of a sudden I just wake and look around wondering how long Ive been out and checking my chin for drool. This happens about 9-12 times a day that I can count. I think it is only for a few seconds at time but just in case you are new to my blog my job requires me to not srew crap up , so then I have to back track to see what I have done last. So I got  some samples of  Nuvagil...  well the first day I felt like I was on speed  and had to pee every 15 minutes and then at 11:00 pm I was on Google trying to figure out how I was ever going to sleep again cause I was still twitchy!~ But then it wore off.  I read the pill lasts about 12 hours. So per usual I slept great at night and was tired the next day so I took the Nuvagil earlier in the day and for the next 20 or some days I felt awake and functioning without the heart attack causing Monsters but then I started to run out so here is where the new journey begins. The insurance will not cover them unless I get diagnosed with something and I don't mean the diagnosis I cooked up after all my google searching. By the way my diagnosis is Narcolepsy and why you ask?  not cause I go crashing to the floor and need a helmet like the chick on duce bigalow or the guy on the tv show Taboo or what ever but because the "spells" are frequent and I fall into REM sleep within seconds, REM is the state in which we start to dream and it takes most people about 90 minutes to get to that state. Well not me ..during these spells I start dreaming immediately and then I wake up with a start not knowing where I am or the last thing I did. YIKES! There is another common symptom of Narcolepsy where you loose control of your body movements or something well I don't have that, well unless you count the slapping reaction I control around dumb people.  Sooo I have an appointment tomorrow with Doc klock and I'm sure we will start with some blood work and then hook me up to some sleep machine,  but the problem is I sleep great its the staying awake that is the problem. So Ill keep you all informed of the tests and hope I don't really need a helmet ! and If you are wondering.... here is a mental picture for you right now.... I took my last Nuvagil that Ive been hoarding out of desperation and I washed it down with a Monster and I'm sitting at my desk on a huge, blue, bouncy, ball pig tails boppin' I feel great but without the drugs and Monster I fell asleep about 8 times already today and  3 of them while I was reading about the Narcolepsy if that's is not funny I don't know what is.

Note two monsters and a large coffee  on the desk
well TTFN

a new year with more resolutions Im never gonna keep

Happy New year to my exhausted fans.

Its that time of the year again to start lying to yourselves and to others on all the great things your giving up , loosing, doing, and not doing cause its a new year and a new start. YEA RIGHT you know that that is crap but heres mine ....

Ive spent the last couple weeks contemplating a running career no I dont mean to run from my  career I just mean to take up running as a form of exercise. Now let me preface this by saying Im not the best at following through with oooh I dont know ..ANYTHING.  But here is my thought. I want some alone time and if I call it exercise I might actually get it.  Hey maybe Ill even get a nice tone fanny as well we will see. I went last night and got fitted for some shoes and this gentleman was very tolerant of me when he had me run on a tread mill while he video taped I said OMG are you really gonna make me watch that ? It was horrifying !!!! but he pointed out what I was doing incorrectly which was every thing but at least I know how to start. So Ill let you know if the shoes get more than like 5 miles on them before my ADD butt moves on to something else. Good luck with your new years resolutions. Hit me up with you wanna share them with me. so I can say I can remind  in March when you  have forgotten what  they were.

Im done
TTFN

Rocks star moms menopause

let me start with What the heck menopause REALLY  !!! Im  38 there should  not  be a  glimmer of freakin' menopause !!!
Im blaming my mothers bad genes. Yes that's right mom its all your fault. Ive researched the family and Im not the only YOUNG person this is happening too in fact these un-sensitive Dr's call it Perry menopause like now I should feel better  cause you give it some stupid name well this is BS!  All of a sudden Im minding my own business and I get so hot I want to take my clothes off and it happens so quickly  that I cant get naked fast enough so I go outside or stick my head in the freezer, and you know Im griping the whole time and push people out of my way to get to the freezer! Not to mention my poor husband thinks Im crazy cause for the many years we have been married Im always complaining because Im cold.
Now lets talk about the mood swings OMG any one who knows me knows Im a sensitive person and I dont have that valve that most people have that stop's the mean things from your head from coming out of your mouth so... Im meaner than ever when the swings hit,  or I just want to cry and I hate that cause I dont get to yell at anyone but if any one even looks at me the wrong way I start to cry THAT is just STUPID! and dont ask my why Im crying cause then you get the other mood swing and get your head bit off.
Ok lets move on to the fat assedness of this problem " yes that is a word " I went on the HCG diet like two years ago and got down to almost my goal weight and kept it off and now within the last 6 months Im just getting fat around the middle this again is BS Im not a big girl so every pound looks like 3!  Its like my metabolism has turned on me and decided we are no longer friends ! Well she is a  big B and Im going to have to tame her and her bad attitude.   I threatened to go on the HCG again but my husband is very opposed to that,  apparently me only eating 500 calories a day makes me cranky-er ..what ever .
Now  lets discuss  the newest symptom of this perry not my friend menopause,  the anxiety attacks.  I thought I was just loosing my mind until this morning when I was reading some crap that the anxiety attacks are also due to this "change" as it was called,  well that is just great so lets go over this again .....I get hot flashes that must resemble the death inducing heat of the Sahara dessert, mood swings that make the bi polar seem normal and weight gain that makes the cranky in me crankier the skinnys unbearable and the cheesy butt look like a deluxe pizza and the anxiety attacks that make me think the world around me is coming to a panicky, sweaty chaotic end.
 Oh God bless any one who has to be around me for the next oh I dont know how many years. Im scared to read any more about this horrible "change" cause I might turn into a hypochondriac and induce more symptoms! Oh and the biggest suckety part of this  the thought of not being capable of having more children even though I dont want to have more,  it still throws  me into a crazy sweaty thought that includes me stealing little children from the ghetto moms at walmart in Burton that dont want their kids anyway.
Be scared women be very scared  cuz this "change" is coming for you too!
ttfn

CAUTION Im feeling very passionate about this so it may be offensive

This is what is being plastered all over facebook today
 small boy writes a letter to God. "Dear God, why do you let bad things happen in our schools?"
God replied, "Dear Son, I am not allowed in your schools."
I challenge you to re-post this.

so people are discussing how god is not in the schools any more and then saying oh that is why our children have no morals and no respect well here is my thought I went to a catholic school and didnt learn much about religion just about how mean kids can be and then I went to public school and the kids were just as mean there. The reason your kids have no morals and no respect is due to the fact that YOU the parent are depending on the school to do that for you, well in case you were wondering that's  YOUR job not the schools and if you want to raise your child with religion well guess what? that again is on YOU not the school but I also believe that God is carried in your heart not in some pledge or prayer you say at school. Now If you dont agree with public school well guess what you have options,  send your child to a "religious" school of your choice but you still must not expect the school to teach them the ways of said religion that again is on you the parent.
You have to RAISE your kids! that is the problem not the schools,  it is not the schools fault your child is disrespectful it is yours it is not the schools fault your child has no morals that is your fault,  maybe you should stop being on face book and watching the real housewives of where ever and spend time with your kids taking them to church is a great start but dont blame the schools for your lack of parenting, the schools have enough problems like not paying their teachers what they deserve and making sure there is enough funding to get books and supplies and having children that WANT to learn and are not being shuffled thru the system and pushing them to the next grade cause they would not dare hold them back like they should. God is in control of every thing anyway you just have to have faith in him and his ways. but YOU have to be the parent,  love your children raise them up with faith and love as well as discipline and affirmation speak words of life  over your little people and stop looking for someone else to blame.


Im Done

TTFN

Ive gotta a cream for that.

all these ailments are starting to make me feel old.  Here is what I say ...you gotta an itch I gotta cream for that your a B*&% well I gotta pill for that you got wrinkles well I gotta serum that will burn the wrinkles right off your face you got a problem there is a fixer a cream a pill a powder  an elixir not that any of these things really work they are a temporary distraction from what the problem is you are old you get wrinkles that is just life you got kids ?are you a wife? well your gonna be cranky in fact your not a wife and you dont have kids ? well guess what your still gonna be cranky. Life has struggles life can be hard but you know what maybe you need to put on your big girl panties and deal with it! Im not talking about a little PMS im talking about the all the cranky time funk stuck in the mud griping grippers. OMG I just had an epiphany Im one of these people !! I got pills for the funks and cream for the cellulite chunks, elixirs and fixers and I still am crabby!  so rock on with your fallin apart cranky itchy hormone-y crows feet-y, double chin-y mommed til your ears ache selves !  If you readin Rock star Moms blog you rock in my book. but you might wanna seek some therapy hahahah
Im Done
TTFN